I might say once you sprinkled constellations
in my eyes and scales went crazy
because my smallness could not hold
all of what was blooming
if this were a love poem
which it isn’t
so I won’t
I could mention your name was my mantra
for desire, whispered and rolled
under my tongue like a secret
a sweet one
if this were a love poem
which it isn’t
so I won’t
I could tell how the magic
of our meeting belled and rang
in a promise unrealized
and faded to silence
if this were a love poem
which it isn’t
so I won’t
this can’t be a poem
about a feeling that almost was
but never became
and so it’s not
Susan Daniels Poetry 
I get this to the point of tears – I really know.
Thanks, Jules. One of those things.
Now this i really really like. I simply do. No explanation.
Duncan, thank you. Glad you like it.
I’m not sure at all about this. I’m a bit lost. Did it work? Did it not?
Flummoxed.
Hell, though I like it
🙂 oh, I love it when I can confuse writers 😉
I like a happy ending.
This? I don’t think so.
Well done. It got me thinking. Feeling
Thanks Duncan. No happy ending. Just an indefinable trailing off. Not even as satisfying as a rough ending.
Then especial rock’n’roll to you
I can do the haiku thing, thanks to you unfettered and many others.
I can’t do cursive poetry.
You can. Audra can.
Never read poetry for 40 odd years. Certainly never wrote any.
Odd, hey?
I really enjoy what you are doing with haiku–maybe eventually you’ll stretch them a little–you never know. In the meantime, I am delighting in your prose.
I think Bird on a windy day is as far as I can go. That one hurt me a bit. I cannot explain why. Even I don’t know.
Prose? Delight? Yeah, bring it on!
I’m a bit more complicated than first impressions
You very much are complex in your seeming simplicity–you make me think as often as you make me smile–and that is a lot.
Holy moley. Can I do that? Make someone think? Jeepers i’m not even sure i can have people smile, laugh
Jeepers………….
You do both for me, and I know I’m not alone… You rock, Mr. Duncan.
Thank you. Very much
You others Susan mentions?
Hey, get a life!
Just joking guys. It’s what i do.
Unless I’m saying thank you. Never joke about that
🙂
Oh–here’s one for you–I am off to diaper a cat…
If that’s not material for your cat series, I don’t know what is.
Oh i’m going to have a field day with this. Cats are very very proud, self conscious. Oh this is going to be fun.
Might be physically challenging for you too.
Expect to feature
All done–no scratches, because he loves his Mommy, though I thought he was going to bite my daughter. Look up stud pants online and have fun imagining the consequences.
Eh? Stud pants? What, you’re redoing American Gigolo or something?
And you think I’s sick
LOL, guess they had to call them something more macho that diapers, as no self-respecting tom would be caught wearing didies. Heh.
Pretty much in unison with the other comments.. I liked A LOT.
Oh, thank you Rambles… Glad it spoke to you
oh yes it is..sweetly painfully so Susan. Spoken from the heart as always…and wonderful as always
Thank you Audra. The sigh that mourns buried potential–if you will forgive me for sounding a bit academic here 🙂
Anyway, I had to try to write around a feeling, and I did like the result, and am glad you “got” it.
very nice, Susan.
Celestine, thanks so much
Yep. I love the effect (which probably has a special name) where you write “there were no birds”, and know the reader is now thinking of birds, so showing the absence offers a form of presence.
Anyway, pretentious wank aside, you’ve used that device here beautifully to create something quite aching.
#34 #7b – to disinter an old gag 🙂
LOL, I LOVE pretentious wanking, so wank away. Oh, that just does not sound RIGHT…
Wanking aside, glad you liked this. I used the device here, but what the HELL is the pretentious name for it? Now that will drive me crazy. I just call it “writing around a feeling,” but that’s too many words. Oh, thanks for reviving that gag–I didn’t know I was missing it until you used it. #4D right back at you
Mike–here it is, in all its pretension:
Apostrophe
Apostrophe (pronounced just like the punctuation mark) describes the act of addressing a person or thing that is absent. It is far more common than you realize.
Excellent!! You just commented apropos apostrophe!
Well researched Susan 😉
😉
Susan I really liked this. it is very strong. But if I may put my foot in my mouth., you should lose the last two lines in each stanza, as well as the final litle stanza altogether. The two line are superfluous and redundant and steal power from what proceeds it. The last stanza tarnishes the beauty of the rest of the poem.Sorry. But it is a very good piece of writing.>KB
Damn–just read it your way, and I like it so much better. Never apologize for seeing room for improvement. THANK YOU.
Of course. I elected to leave this one as is to keep the sarcasm and also because Stephen responded in identical format, and the matched set works. I always welcome your thoughts and would welcome your e-mail, KB. Thank you for offering!
I don’t care to get into a pissing match with you. It so happens that Susan replied to my comments was that she saw what I was referring to and that she agreed. It is not an ego trip. There are certain pople, aspiring poets who at times can shine. I never post a piece until my editor and I have gone over it carefully together. Your ire disturbs on because it is really none of your buisness and I will kindly thank you not to address me again about anything. Unless of cours there were an apology behind it.I make non. I critiqued a fellow poets work. Whatever.>KB
Oh, thank you, Rhonda. Yes, I do lose the sarcasm if I obliterate those lines.
YES…and nothing makes me smile like good old fashioned sarcasm!
Yep–I especially like it when I am mocking myself.
You expressed this so well, Rhonda I appreciate your intensity–even though it made me blush!
blushing looks good on women our ages. heck, women of any age. blush away my friend…though there really is no need. i speak the truth.
Gosh, thanks 😉
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So wonderful. Sits perfectly within winter. Reading on repeat.
Matthew–thank you so much. Very glad you liked. I used a literary device here without knowing its name 😉
Reblogged this on visionvoiceandviews and commented:
How to say it without saying it! Beautiful.
the art of saying it in beautifully controlled steps of gentle un-peelings and denials – attributes and indicators are recognized and described and then denied. Lovely love poem, Susan
If human palms
were this large,
broad and bold enough
to hold and wrap around
the moon
cover and conceal its glow
would the moon not still shine, smile
even enclosed and enfolded
I bet it would and it wouldn’t
but I bet its rays would still leak out
peek out , stream forth
to speak out
that love sings best
when it sings least
that love sings best,
when we deny
the surging beating rhythms
of its songs
in our beating hearts
.
Oh, my! DP, you have woven something beautiful here.
my hands are not large enough
to hide the moon
but they can block the light of a heart
almost
I can convince myself blind
or surrender
to a feeling
I swear isn’t there
your poem was, sorry, is beautiful and powerful!
Thank you, in whichever tense you choose to use!
ah…tight emotions in this…such a shame that it never became…it sounds like it would’ve been a wonderful love story…and a wonderful love poem… dang on the almost…ugh..
Thanks, Claudia. Almost can be as sweet as is or was, sometimes, if that makes sense 😉
Why am I hearing Shari Lewis singing ‘This is the poem that never was…’
🙂 perfect!