My eyes express the color of water,
Borrowed from sky and surface light, masking
What is simple and set to a shifting
Dance of shade, nothing fixed, but much broader
Than any definition that’s offered.
Truth changes, though I won’t call it lying,
Just a change of key, tuned to who’s asking;
I am mutable, but no imposter.
I am mercurial, my substance one
Driving hatters mad, messenger of gods,
A trail burned and arced just past vision
Sparks my words’ winged, feathered flight to the sun
In migration, one thousand pleated swans
Flying color, less shade and more motion.
A Miltonian sonnet, rough as hell and full of slant rhymes, but I do believe I have the scheme down, if nothing else.
Susan Daniels Poetry 
Oh, you clever thing … I must try one of these, bit of a tussle, I’d think (?)
Huge tussle. Thought I’d toy with it a little before bed (3 hours ago), and the pesky thing would not let me go until I was done. Thanks for the kind comment 😉
Oh my, we do the same things 😉
Hee, hee. We do. Oh, by the way, I so want to find out what happens in your book. Loved what you shared, and I cursed under my breath when I realized that was all i was going to be able to read tonight of it.
I really like this Susan. Such strong movement — drive hatters mad. You created such a rippling image in my head– am I making sense?
You sure are making sense to me, but it is late as hell for both of us, so maybe we are both delirious. Thanks for liking it, m’dear.
Haa my sentiments exactly. Sometimes with comments, I want to say something but duhhhhh comes out instead
Hee, hee–I think I just said that on someone’s blog. Maybe I should try to get some sleep…nah! Boring. I can sleep for a long time after I’m dead. Damn. Where did I read that–somewhere, and it made me laugh at the time.
Haaa true. Clive Owen was in movie with that title– good flick. Just why are we up? Where is the off switch on my brain?
hah. Not sure why you are up, but I thought I’d start that sonnet, and then the damned thing would not let me go. I need to sleep. Grrrrr.
Well you produced a gem so now sing yourself a lullaby and off you go to peaceful slumber
Aw, thanks, Audra. you catch some Z’s too!
This is so good. Really.
Aw David, thank you! Sending you a hug across the continent. Sonnets give me hives–something about the constricted form does give rise to interesting images, though.
This is one of the pieces you read and find yourself inspired to follow in your talented footsteps
Oh, thank you! I would love to see what you come up with!
I found much to enjoy and like in this. I only know of three sonnet forms, English, Spenserian, and Petrarchan, so I am dissecting this to learn form and rhyme scheme as well. Thanks for sharing Susan.
Purple–thank you! It is a variant on the Petrarchan–I THINK, anyway… If you want to learn more about the form, check out dVerse here after 3 EST.
http://dversepoets.com/
more to admire the motility of language, tip of too, to you.
Thanks much!
This works Susan — That’s what matters.
I like rough slant work… 😉
Thanks, Johnny. Winking back at you. I should have thought about how little would work that rhymes with water all the way, but I had to use it–one of my favorite Nin quotes.
🙂 well worth the toil I think. 🙂 A beautiful study!
-Jennifer
Jennifer, thank you!
less shade and more motion…very cool…the color of water…in berne the water in the river aare is just emerald green…so beautiful…love how water adapts to all the different shades with such fluency…i bet your eyes do as well
🙂 thanks, Claudia! They do change, depending on my mood. Today they are gray/brown, probably from lack of sleep!
Oh, you have more than just the scheme, Susan–you have a stunning voice. And very well expressed here, your thoughts, your moods, your mutability. Change is, after all, the only constant in life.
George, thank you. Your kind words are very much appreciated.
Those pleated swans.. gotta love them 🙂 great work
Bjorn, thank you. I am such a sucker for origami…
Very impressive! I loved it just for its words before the structure appeared!
Thanks so much, Shrinks.
Well done..I find sonnet rather tricky too. Hard to maintain personal voice within the sonnet, but I think, you executed lovely as always.
Oh, thank you! They are tricky, but so much fun. Guess that makes me a masochist 😉
Truth changes, though I won’t call it lying,
Just a change of key, tuned to who’s asking
very cool lines and say much…love the layering in this as well, all the movement, the liquidity, water in the eyes and mercurial…it really all builds well to a beautiful sonnet…
Brian, thank you so much! You are always so supportive 😉
I specially like the last line, Fly a color, less a shade ~ Good one Susan ~
Grace
Grace, thank you!
Love the mix of physical with mental colours… shaping quite a powerful persona!
Gemma, thank you. So much easier to write about someone else’s persona in the first person 😉
I thought slant rhymes were what’s wanted.
Oh, if that’s the case, I am doubly grateful!
Maybe you struggled to write this, but it is no problem at all for the reader! Great lines, great thoughts about the subjectivity of truth, and of the self–a real pleasure, nicely done!
Nico, you are a prince for saying so–thank you!
The color of water really captures the ambiguity of life. This is so creative and thought provoking. Your labour paid off, so well.
thank you, Rowan!
Love the color of water. This is a stunning response to the form challenge. Wow
Beth, thank you! I had fun with this.
Nicely done! I love the colour of water too!
Marousia, thank you!
I think you got that lovely rhythm in this which I love with great sonnets… that I think is the hardest thing to get with these forms…well it is for me anyway… and I just love the whole thing the colour of water, flash of comets…you have some wonderful lines in this…great stuff!
Di–thank you so much! I think yours had some lovely rhythm in it, too.
Water, life blood of the planet. I love the line:
“Is my words’ winged, feathered flight to the sun”
Lovely!
Gavin, thank you!
“My eyes express the color of water”… You had me at that wonderful first line – one I wish I’d written! – and from then on, it was a wonderful cascade of metaphor, all the way to your “thousand pleated swans”. (And did I ever tell you I love, love, love slant rhymes?)
Sam, thank you! This was a tribute to Anais Nin (try nailing HER down to anything fixed–hers is the persona of the poem). The opening line is a variation of a quote of hers from “House of Incest.”
“My first vision of earth was water veiled. I am of the race of men and women who see all things through this curtain of sea, and my eyes are the color of water.”
Now those are some lines I wish I had written…
Ah yes, but you see, the brilliance of your phrasing is that I caught your interpretation “express” as both the *expressiveness* of the eyes and *expressing* tears (e.g. referencing the verb as used in “expressing breast milk”.)
So your simple turn of phrase, possibly intuitive – though having its origins in that remarkable paragraph by Anais Nin – gives the “color of water” an added subtlety of shade.
Oh Sam, thank you. Yes, when I was mulling over her original phrase, I intuited “express” and then really liked the added meaning that gave–so glad you caught that. Means a lot to me that you like this!
I’ll leave such to you, I just read the words and look for meaning. 🙂
😉
Adore your opening line.
Thank you!
“drives hatters mad” – now how in the hell am I going to get THAT marvelous turn of phrase out of my head?!
bravo!
Oh, wow, thank you! I had to take the mercury play to the extreme, didn’t I?
Exemplary work…your voice is clearly inspiring and separate from Nin’s..I’m a fan..
Oh, Katy, thank you!
wonderful….trying to be crystal clear like water itself….an atempt, perhaps, to be atleast a bit close to it…..loved the rhymes…have a bit problem is understanding the slangs….loved it, nevertheless!
Akila, thank you!