roses (metrical experiment)

I believe bloom
and know of red

I have explored
the sting of thorns

but there is more
to being rose

than what is seen
and what I know

what those roots taste
as they drink earth

in another
kind of open

***here you go, Jeremy

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About Susan L Daniels

I am a firm believer that politics are personal, that faith is expressed through action, and that life is something that must be loved and lived authentically--or why bother with any of it?
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62 Responses to roses (metrical experiment)

  1. Green Speck says:

    The first line sets the tone … well done !!!

  2. Really enjoyed this Susan–especially “as they drink earth”–lovely synesthesia in this, very evocative.

    • Thanks, JCC. I love that concept of sensory crossover/blurring–I have always associated scents with various colors, sensations with words. I am sure we all do this on some level. Glad you liked this. It was a rework of something from a few days ago, and Jeremy challenged me to rewrite it, focusing on the meter.

      • I think we have much fertile ground to explore in this realm…many rhythmic seeds to sprout and see how they grow…looking very much forward to it. I need to read more of Jeremy’s work–I’ve loved what I have. I can’t recall if I found him through you or you through him…

        • oh, yes and…two beats per line? Hemi-stitches? I have been thinking LOTS lately about accentual verse, Anglo-Saxon prosody, podics etc. (the fertile ground where-in lie these roots of English verse.*******)

          • Oooh, now you have me beyond intrigued and moving into intense interest. I have written skinny verse before, but that skinny? I like the idea, the tightness it would elicit.

        • Oh, me too! I usually only pay attention to meter when I am asked to–perhaps that should change. However you found me or vice-versa, I am glad you know Jeremy’s work.

  3. I especially like the lines: ‘and I don’t know / what those roots taste / as they drink earth’ ~ most effective

  4. claudia says:

    what those roots taste
    as they drink earth…i LOVE this susan…yeah…there’s always more than what’s above ground…isn’t it…

  5. I so wish I understood or how to analyse poetry like you and JC (and others) I just write and try my hardest that it makes sense…you speak a different language to me..think I need to return to school πŸ™‚ PS I liked Sus πŸ˜‰

  6. annotating60 says:

    I have a quote on quote on my lamp shade, “Simplicity is the ultimate form of sophisticantion.” Susan, thank you so much for the poem. I hope it didn’t steal too much time from you.>KB

    • Thanks, KB. If you are referring to your poem, that was in no way stealing my time and was instead time spent learning how the best take a fumbling suggestion, own it, and give it wings. The thanks are mine, for sharing it with me.

      We can do worse than follow the advice of LdV–wonderful words to remember–and apply.

  7. brian miller says:

    there is more
    to being rose

    than what is seen….so true…and i like how the roots play to that depth as well…..very nice….

  8. kelly says:

    oh, fabulous! love, love, love that ending.

  9. Grace says:

    Very creative and fresh approach Susan ~

  10. Poppy says:

    Oh, fantastic work! πŸ™‚

  11. This is simply beautiful, and I do like simple things.

  12. lucychili says:

    rosehips, serrated and finned leaves in heritage green gloss, and yes courageous roots. (our dogs dig underneath but they flower regardless)

  13. Alex Dissing says:

    Loved the image of the roots “drinking earth.” Well done, Susan. Nice to meet you.

  14. myrthryn says:

    I found myself completing the last line with the word birth..perhaps not what you intended…but it felt right…like the word was to birth itself.. nicely written.

  15. nelle says:

    There are things I know and things I don’t, things at which I ma skilled and things at which I am not. When I read poetry, it is for enjoyment, author slash editor left at the door. Why I say that, who knows, we all have our purposes. πŸ™‚ Guess it is because I read your work because I like it and what you find a way to say.

    • Nelle, thank you. I have HUGE respect for your talent and vision, and am so pleased you like my drafts on here…

      • nelle says:

        You are a gifted writer. I can’t delve into the technical, and I’m sure I miss many layers of nuance you construct on that level. Maybe I like that escape, a place to read great writing where my brain doesn’t also try to edit it, what plagues me with any novel. Others can find their enjoyment in the structure, I’ll enjoy those things I mentioned.

  16. From one end of the rose to the other. I like it.

  17. kaykuala says:

    but there is more
    to being rose

    Truly said. Susan! There’s a lot more that meets the eye! Nicely!

    Hank

  18. wolfsrosebud says:

    do like your experiment… enjoyed the fullness of the piece… besides, I do like roses

  19. dannypereyra says:

    Short and sweet! πŸ™‚ And I do like the metrical experiment, flows wonderfully.

  20. Susan,
    Powerful in it’s simplicity, this piece gives us a peek into the character of Rose and the character of narrator. I like it!

  21. janehewey says:

    lively and graceful. your rhythm is clear as bell choirs. love this, susan.

  22. Jeremy Nathan Marks says:

    Yes! I really like this, Susan. I appreciate the jauntier rhythm you are using; it gives this poem more color. . . and I can’t imagine a poem about a rose lacking in color. Thank you for trying my suggestion; I meant to tell you more of what I was originally thinking but I got sidetracked.

  23. Beth Winter says:

    Hi Susan,

    As one who is always hearing the rhythm of meter, I think you did a good job here. I love the relationship between all of the senses and colors. Beautiful work.

  24. Lindy Lee says:

    Dimeter delight…

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