I’m no window
but I do allow light
to pass through
this glassed body
a shining target for stones
to ping spiderwebs
splintering the surface
but only to almost broken
clinging to whole
letting cold in
where the heart pulses innocent
of streamed heat
Susan Daniels Poetry 
oh that first one is gorgeous…allowing light to pass through…love it
Claudia, thank you.
You are not a window but a beacon.
Thanks, David.
really nicely done on the chaining of these…and still maintaining their individuality as well….i guess its good a bit of the heart steam has a way out…maybe it will beat the cold out and find the ones that need it you know….
Oh, I simply love that thought, Brian. I wanted to capture translucence and vulnerability at once. Smiles…
I like the contrast of cold and heat in the last one ~
Grace, thank you.
Enjoyed reading this lune. Especially the first stanza π
Thank you. That is my favorite π
Four beautiful Collom lunes Susan – a real pleasure to read them all again and again.
Tony–thank you. I really like the form.
wonderful motion in this, Susan. In and out and through. You bring the senses alive.
Thank you, Jane.
Original… so creative. I love the light coming through glassed body.
Laurie, thanks so much.
i am totally in love with the first one… so good!
Thanks, Miriam. I honestly do think I should have stopped with the first one–the rest are slack in comparison.
they aren’t slack… just… the first one shines. π
Thanks, Miriam! Maybe I need to polish the others up a bit then, so the whole thing looks like it belongs together π
π
I especially liked the “spiderwebs” verse and the contrast of cold and heat in the last verse.
Thanks so much, Blue.
This is nicely written, and such a great image of strength found in pain.
Lots to think about here. I like the idea of not being a window but allowing light to pass through. A worthy goal for all, I think.
Mary, thank you.
sweet… do like those spiderwebs… nice write
Thanks!
Gosh this just flows from beginning to end beautifully, love the way you’ve pulled the form together. Very unique.
Oh thanks so much!
they are all gorgeous, but the first my dear. wow
Stacy, thank you.
stunning…i love the opening lune, but there is something about that second one…. really lovely.
thank you, rmp.
A wonderful chain of lunes, with each verse reflecting and building on the theme of the other verses. The first lune is the easiest to like in its simplicity, but there is power in each, and the final lune pulses with the strength of that heart.
Samuel, thank you.
I really like the way you joined your body with the window and also showed how there is life that is living -the spider web- on/upon both. That . . . is very nice.
Jeremy, thank you–glad you liked it.
Strange to feel such a verse as this, to feel in it a vulnerability, a surface that can so easily shatter. Be shattered. Be splintered. Yet the same metaphor applies to transparency, and a heart that strives for nothing less than clarity. And while that may be far from what you intended, Susan, it certainly works for me to think of it in this way. For there is indeed such vulnerability in a heart exposed. And yet, there is such beauty as well in the honesty of love.
George, that is exactly what I intended, and you read it exactly the way I wrote it. I was trying to express vulnerability/transparency in a tight form, and glass or something very like it was all I could think of.that would deliver the image appropriately. Thanks for the beautiful comment.
this is, hmmmm I like this, very beyond the words currently in my mind to express but i like this on a deeper conscious connecting to subconscious level. This goes to a place where i think the muse might live. I like this alot.
Chris, thank you. I like the idea of a place where the muse might live–that was a really cool thing to say.
Beautifully linked
Thank you, Marouisa.
Windows can be many things, and on balance I rather like what they bring to us. Nothing good ever came from walling ourselves off, been there.
Oh, yes–major pain or several small pains. I guess the choice is ours–we get to pick our pain.
Oh yes, I feel the drafts, and i am grateful for them. But I also feel the narrator holding together, a little bruised, missing the spiders who helped without other sources of heat.
π Thanks, Susan.
Wow … loved the intensity in your verses !!!
Thank you GS!
1st for me π
π
letting cold in
where the heart pulses innocent
of streamed heat
Can almost feel the intensity of cold meeting heat! That strange feeling is creepy but sensuously lasting. Nicely Susan!
Hank
Thank you, Hank.
windows a great medium for poetry….great job!
I have a friend who paints on windows sometimes. His work is really quite evocative.
great imagery. Love the glassed body..fragility yet light passing through. nice
Thank you, Audra.
Beautifully done, Susan
Thank you
Good metaphor with a fresh twist to it.
Thank you!
Love the way you kept each separate, and yet continued as a part of the whole. Thank you.
Thank you–glad you liked.
Gorgeous poem!
Gabbie–again thanking you! The form is a “lune” which I just learned of–an american bastardization of haiku…This one a Collom haiku:
3 words first line
5 words second line
3 words last line
they are a lot of fun to write.
The American haiku
adaptation permits wonderful
flexibility on length!
and with more
length one can
do a lot!
experimenting with monosyllabic words in this form should be a joy and a challenge!
I think you will do fantastic stuff with this form–and the words do not have to be monosyllabic, either! Love this form. Heh. Yes, length can allow for deeper explorations into the language π