Force (erasure)

Text from “Civil Disobedience” by Henry David Thoreau.  Erasure by Susan Daniels…  

not born to be forced
I breathe my own
not responsible for
working of the machine–
when an acorn and chestnut fall
both obey their laws

we slept with windows open
in the light of a closer view
of chocolate, brown bread, an iron spoon–
friendship was for summer weather
and the State nowhere to be seen

the dollar is innocent, but trace allegiance.
I quietly declare war as you submit
to a thousand  necessities.

I should be satisfied.
It is not many moments
I live under.

***at Dverse we are doing erasure poetry, a form of found poetry.  This was robbed from Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau.

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About Susan L Daniels

I am a firm believer that politics are personal, that faith is expressed through action, and that life is something that must be loved and lived authentically--or why bother with any of it?
This entry was posted in New Free Verse and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

50 Responses to Force (erasure)

  1. Bruce Ruston says:

    I really like the last two stanzas best very nice write Susan, Are the dollars really innocent?

  2. janehewey says:

    you’ve captured much in this tiny poem. starting with the acorn and chestnut, following with somewhat subtle juxtapositions. and your ending is killer!

  3. I too wonder if the dollar is all that innocent–great write Susan

  4. claudia says:

    we slept with windows open
    in the light of a closer view
    of chocolate, brown bread, an iron spoon–….uuuhhh i like MUCH… sleeping with open windows and then the chocolate and brown bread…hmmm…creates a wonderful mood

  5. Laurie Kolp says:

    This turned out great… well, I knew it would with those first two lines.

  6. brian miller says:

    we slept with windows open
    in the light of a closer view
    of chocolate, brown bread, an iron spoon–
    friendship was for summer weather
    and the State nowhere to be seen…haha i love it a bit surreal and a whole lot of fun…some very cool lines you were able to create….

  7. Oh, how I love Thoreau and what you’ve done to reinvent it. I hear him and you together, a beautiful sound. Thanks so much for joining us!

  8. You certainly made this your own. Each phrase has so much importance and weight as you frame it. Life is short and necessity forces compliance but not conviction. Inanimate things may be innocent, but their uses certainly may not be. This shows clarity and great intelligence in arrangement and meaning!

  9. ruleofstupid says:

    Very cleverly done Suporn, frames a little, subverts a little, stands alone. Ping! 😉

  10. Brilliant. We’d have to go to a remote island now for the sate to not be seen

  11. Mary says:

    Your ending really works well, Susan. This was a difficult piece to do an erasure poem from; and you succeeded beautifully.

  12. unfetteredbs says:

    Susan I marvel at you

  13. nico says:

    Would you believe I almost chose this same work for my poem? Great job–
    I quietly declare war as you submit
    to a thousand necessities.

    That’s two very fine lines right there!

  14. Excellent choice…using Civil Disobedience. And timely, Susan. I love the second stanza!

  15. kkkkaty says:

    Resourceful and nicely done, Susan, as always

  16. Nesi Writes says:

    Very moving. Excellent choice use of words.

  17. unfetteredbs says:

    did you hit the delete key on “fragment”

  18. Sabio Lantz says:

    Wow, that was fun — makes me want to read the original! THanx

  19. beckykilsby says:

    Sharp effect from your shaping of the original language.. a slow unfolding.

  20. mobius faith says:

    Really nicely done.

  21. nelle says:

    Interesting result…

  22. For me, the line “I should be satisfied” solidified the message and meaning of this piece. Quite enjoyable to read.

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