our sauterne sweet
to stern grayness
At Dverse we are trying our hands at Than-Bauk, a Burmese climbing rhyme poem. Each line has four syllables. The rhyme is on the fourth syllable of the first line, the third syllable of the second line, and the second syllable of the third line. Tougher than it looks to get it to flow naturally.
Well and nicely done. I just read about it this week and thought hmmm… No thank you, I am not sure I can tackle this yet lol. Will try someday
Thank you. This was HARD. Hard to believe it is so difficult, when you look at the result. Had fun, though!
Good play with the rhymes !!!
Thanks! Tricky little form…
oh very nice…tight little emotional turn in this…it was so hard to get anything much in so few syllabels and still fit the rhyme scheme…i like yours though…smiles.
Oh, thank you, Brian! Yes–when I saw Claudia’s poem, I said–Hey, I can do that, looks easy. NOT! 😉 liked the result, though.
I loved yours – tight, metaphoric, and cool. I’m not sure you can’t get a lot in the short form as you can in a well formed haiku or tanka. I went for the chain..it was supremely challenging for me, not the rhymes (they came too easily) but making sense and making it meaningful.
Thank you Gay! I loved yours, woven so beautifully. You are so right–the rhyme is easy–getting it all to make sense, not easy in the slightest. This form has a deceptive simplicity to it that I really enjoyed working with.
yes! you nailed it. this feels good.
Thank you, Jane!
I will have to try this form! Very challenging!
It is challenging, and a lot of fun! Enjoy if you do!
great imagery… really cool, susan!
Oh, thank you! I am going to try to do more of these soon, I think.
would love to see them…
Thanks, Miriam! Maybe I will link them up next week for open link and MAKE myself play with the form more 😉
hahaha great strategy!
Oh, you made the form sing beautifully!
Thank you Anna! Before this one, I made it screech and yelp a few times, believe me 😉
Haha, well I nibbled mine into submission, poor pencil :D.
Anna, I just read yours and am floored. Beautifully done. You sent your pencil back to school, woman!
Thanks for the hearty laugh. That pencil was being naughty and needed discipline!
Maybe you struggled writing this, but it reads effortlessly–smooth and lovely. Great work!
Oh, thank you, Nico!
You did this form beautifully, Susan…love it.
oh, thank you, Rose!
Ha, it was a hard form to work with. It gave me a headache to work with the rhyming. You did well.
Thanks, Mary–it was tricksy.
You got lovely November going again, Susan. Sauterne sweet. Lovely.
Thanks, Chaty. I am just enamored of fall, until it is winter, and then I love that… And so on. Glad you liked!
Laurie–you are such an encouragement–thank you!
Considering the weather here in New York City these past couple of weeks, I’d say this Than Bauk fits my mood to a “T”, Excellent use of the form. A sauterne would bereally nice right about now.
Waving at you from the other side of the state… First Sandy, and now snow… Ugh. I was actually planning to meet a friend in NYC the week Sandy hit, and had to stay away… Stay warm and go get yourself a nice bottle of wine (although mulling it might be a good idea).
November is a reflective month, surrounding natural distractions blunted, allowing for a mental reset to get through the time of limited light. I feel it in your words.
Nelle–what you said, there, is absolutely gorgeous. And true.
Thank you, but just how I felt reading your words.
what a tight and well woven seasonal capture..great job susan
Thanks so much, Claudia!
This does it! Nice write.
very cool. Super high marks for fitting sauterne in here so perfectly as well.
Oh, wow–thank you!
nice take on the challenge. November really does feel like this–
Audra–would love to see you take on one of these forms–deceptively simple and hard as hell to do. I bet yours would rock!
I was toying with it.. my brain is a little fried. but I am thinking 🙂
oh you should, it is a veritable Chinese finger puzzle of a form to figure out. Well, Burmese, but you get the idea!
Crisp and clear to suit the content! Agree completely with your first reply.
Thank you, David!
This flows smoothly, Susan. 🙂
You guys are going to have me scrapping mine. I found this to be incredibly difficult…LOVE this little weave.
Tash–this was difficult–you should have seen my first four tries…
You definitely make it look easy, though with such a tight form I know it’s not. really lovely imagery in such a few syllables.
Oh, thank you so much! It was tricky…
I had to look up Sauternes and now I crave it. But if you let it ages, does it turn bad? I guess this is summer turning grey via the hand of fall. But I still can’t stop thinking about the wine. Just shows how damn well you did with this form. Fantastic
Thanks, Sabio! I have never had an aged Sauternes, so I am not sure if it ages well. Now I want some too!
Such a nice flow, I just wrote mine, but it doesn’t hold a candle to yours.
Oh, goodness, thanks! I am going to take a hop over & read it. I am sure it is brilliant!