i am not so full of you anymore
though you spill stories into bitterness
flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore
i can no longer give what you ask for
love, i will not be your deliverance,
i am not so full of you anymore
this is no game, no one is keeping score
except you tally with belligerence
flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore
other arms can hold you up as you pour
your fiction into cold indifference.
i am not so full of you anymore
I will lead you once more there, through that door,
your exit. drown in your malevolence
flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore
why take prisoners, if this is not war
where steel strikes steel, and all sparks resonant.
i am not so full of you anymore
flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore
***we are shaping vilanelles today at Dverse.
Susan Daniels Poetry 
Oh, this strikes home, Susan. So much that binds us in these verses of ours and in the experiences that inspire them. Even — sadly — experiences such as this. Well written.
Thanks, George. I got the line ‘i am not full of you anymore” last night, and it seemed to flow naturally into a villanelle. Thanks for not retching as you read my effort 😉
Retching? Oh, Susan, such a response to your writing I am not capable of. Only admiration. And in this case, the sadness that this verse, through painful familiarity, evokes in my heart. Thank you as always for sharing your voice with us.
George–you are too sweet. Thank you 😉
I’m always filled with admiration when people use structured forms and make it work to such great effect. Very impressed indeed!
Thank you Holly. I love when I get a sentence the night before I know what exactly I am going to do with it 😉
This is strong, raw, angry and biting [poetry. Some powerful lines – “spinning lies into lore”, “you pour your fiction into indifference”…harsh, hard hitting, but great stuff!
Thanks. I am fairly certain this one is pure invention, but for the “I am not full of you anymore.” Has to be, because I am so not feeling like biting anyone today.
there, through that door
is your exit. drown in your own malevolence
flowing fast and deep, spinning lies into lore…nice…really like the directness of that stanza…..will let sam comment on form but i think you did really well with it…and the emotions come through nicely with the repetition and you were creative as well getting new meaning out of each repetition…
Heh–yes, I rebelled a little (or oh, OK, a lot) on the meter, just because I felt like it. Mea culpa. I did have fun with this one though!
I did decide to comply with a set meter of 10 syllables. 🙂
there is a nice intensity to this (and there is something about “flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore” that seems to vamp it up for me). I think you picked two very strong lines to stand as your refrains.
Oh, thanks so much. That is, I think the key to these forms with refrains–the right lines have to stand up well to repetition, and have both musicality and multiple meanings to work well.
Great crafting here, each idea spilling into the rhymes effortlessly. It takes a bit of planning to get it to work out that well. The rhythms seem natural as well. The emotions within the meaning of the poem come to the fore and the form vanishes. I would say that was a truly successful poem in any form!
Oh, thank you, Gay!
This is a sober poem. You drop the reader right into a the emotion.
Thanks, Jessica. Wish they were more pleasant waters…
Excellent flow to your villanelle, this is very well done! Thank you for sharing!
Ginny, thank you!
Your words are strong, confident, solid. I think the repetition brought about through the villanelle form helps achieve that! Well done.
Mary, thank you!
Your refrain lines are really heavy hitters, and that just makes the last stanza even more powerful–excellent villanelle, and yeah–been there, not fun, but being less full is a better place to be.
Thanks, HW–I agree. We need room for us, too.
ugh..tight and heavy emotions in this one…almost forgot it was form you wrote…you know…really well done susan..and a bit meter-rebellion every once and a while is not a bad thing…smiles
Thank you, Claudia. I almost felt bad, using such a musical form for something this heavy, but it really, really worked. Thanks so much for your comment!
Very good execution of form and loved your theme. Could spark an interesting script.
Thank you so much, Henry. Hmmmm. Remember that film “The War of the Roses?” Something along those lines would work well.
You’ve inspired so many musical journeys with this one, taken after I initially read, now returning. I’ll share one.
Nelle–thank you for sharing–you know I adore it when something I have written reminds you of music…
Well done. Your refrain “I am not full of you anymore” is just such a telling signature line, it cuts like a whip. Each verse is a little gem, but my favourite is this one…
other arms can hold you up as you pour
your fiction into cold indifference.
i am not so full of you anymore.
…where that second line is just exquisite. Bravo!
Sam, thank you very much!
you do these ones so well, you seem so comfortable with using different forms
Bruce–thank you. I really am not comfortable with forms one bit (except for haiku), but I do feel it is important to write outside of my comfort zone once in a while, take on a different voice, if you will.
Very direct and intense. Well done with the form too. k.
K, thank you!
Excellent villanelle, Susan. Like the theme of moving on…its true that sometimes leaving behind the past is the best option, despite the hurt.
Thanks, Mohana. I agree. Sometimes it is best to move on.
A villanelle that seems like an exorcism of bitterness, which can start a healing process. I like the subtlety of your rhyming lines, and your refrain lines are superb.
Viv–thanks so much.
An excellent use of the form in a manner that would not have occurred to me. Great poem.
THank you, David. Just kind of happened, and then it worked…THis is the first villanelle I have written that was inspired, and not just an exercise. Have to say I like the difference inspiration makes…
A real air of defiance to this.
Thanks–I guess there is. I have never seen defiance in villanelle form.
The anger and bitterness fits well with the form to build
Thank you, John.
” . . . your exit. drown in your malevolence . . .”
O! Yes!
Finely humanized villanelle!
Thanks
Thank you, Susan.
Powerful words, Susan.
Thank you, C.