i am not full of you anymore (a vilanelle)

i am not so full of you anymore
though you spill stories into bitterness
flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore

i can no longer give what you ask for
love, i will not be your deliverance,
i am not so full of you anymore

this is no game, no one is keeping score
except you tally with belligerence
flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore

other arms can hold you up as you pour
your fiction into cold indifference.
i am not so full of you anymore

I will lead you once more there, through that door,
your exit. drown in your malevolence
flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore

why take prisoners, if this is not war
where steel strikes steel, and all sparks resonant.
i am not so full of you anymore
flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore

***we are shaping vilanelles today at Dverse.


About Susan L Daniels

I am a firm believer that politics are personal, that faith is expressed through action, and that life is something that must be loved and lived authentically--or why bother with any of it?
This entry was posted in New Free Verse and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

49 Responses to i am not full of you anymore (a vilanelle)

  1. George Ellington says:

    Oh, this strikes home, Susan. So much that binds us in these verses of ours and in the experiences that inspire them. Even — sadly — experiences such as this. Well written.

    • Thanks, George. I got the line ‘i am not full of you anymore” last night, and it seemed to flow naturally into a villanelle. Thanks for not retching as you read my effort 😉

      • George Ellington says:

        Retching? Oh, Susan, such a response to your writing I am not capable of. Only admiration. And in this case, the sadness that this verse, through painful familiarity, evokes in my heart. Thank you as always for sharing your voice with us.

  2. I’m always filled with admiration when people use structured forms and make it work to such great effect. Very impressed indeed!

  3. This is strong, raw, angry and biting [poetry. Some powerful lines – “spinning lies into lore”, “you pour your fiction into indifference”…harsh, hard hitting, but great stuff!

    • Thanks. I am fairly certain this one is pure invention, but for the “I am not full of you anymore.” Has to be, because I am so not feeling like biting anyone today.

  4. brian miller says:

    there, through that door
    is your exit. drown in your own malevolence
    flowing fast and deep, spinning lies into lore…nice…really like the directness of that stanza…..will let sam comment on form but i think you did really well with it…and the emotions come through nicely with the repetition and you were creative as well getting new meaning out of each repetition…

  5. rmp says:

    there is a nice intensity to this (and there is something about “flowing fast, deep; spinning lies into lore” that seems to vamp it up for me). I think you picked two very strong lines to stand as your refrains.

    • Oh, thanks so much. That is, I think the key to these forms with refrains–the right lines have to stand up well to repetition, and have both musicality and multiple meanings to work well.

  6. Gay Cannon says:

    Great crafting here, each idea spilling into the rhymes effortlessly. It takes a bit of planning to get it to work out that well. The rhythms seem natural as well. The emotions within the meaning of the poem come to the fore and the form vanishes. I would say that was a truly successful poem in any form!

  7. This is a sober poem. You drop the reader right into a the emotion.

  8. Excellent flow to your villanelle, this is very well done! Thank you for sharing!

  9. Mary says:

    Your words are strong, confident, solid. I think the repetition brought about through the villanelle form helps achieve that! Well done.

  10. hedgewitch says:

    Your refrain lines are really heavy hitters, and that just makes the last stanza even more powerful–excellent villanelle, and yeah–been there, not fun, but being less full is a better place to be.

  11. ugh..tight and heavy emotions in this one…almost forgot it was form you wrote…you know…really well done susan..and a bit meter-rebellion every once and a while is not a bad thing…smiles

  12. Very good execution of form and loved your theme. Could spark an interesting script.

  13. nelle says:

    You’ve inspired so many musical journeys with this one, taken after I initially read, now returning. I’ll share one.

  14. Semaphore / Samuel Peralta says:

    Well done. Your refrain “I am not full of you anymore” is just such a telling signature line, it cuts like a whip. Each verse is a little gem, but my favourite is this one…

    other arms can hold you up as you pour
    your fiction into cold indifference.
    i am not so full of you anymore.

    …where that second line is just exquisite. Bravo!

  15. Bruce Ruston says:

    you do these ones so well, you seem so comfortable with using different forms

    • Bruce–thank you. I really am not comfortable with forms one bit (except for haiku), but I do feel it is important to write outside of my comfort zone once in a while, take on a different voice, if you will.

  16. ManicDdaily says:

    Very direct and intense. Well done with the form too. k.

  17. Mohana says:

    Excellent villanelle, Susan. Like the theme of moving on…its true that sometimes leaving behind the past is the best option, despite the hurt.

  18. vivinfrance says:

    A villanelle that seems like an exorcism of bitterness, which can start a healing process. I like the subtlety of your rhyming lines, and your refrain lines are superb.

  19. David King says:

    An excellent use of the form in a manner that would not have occurred to me. Great poem.

    • THank you, David. Just kind of happened, and then it worked…THis is the first villanelle I have written that was inspired, and not just an exercise. Have to say I like the difference inspiration makes…

  20. jcosmonewbery says:

    A real air of defiance to this.

  21. The anger and bitterness fits well with the form to build

  22. Susan says:

    ” . . . your exit. drown in your malevolence . . .”

    O! Yes!
    Finely humanized villanelle!

  23. Powerful words, Susan.

Comments are closed.