your hair was long
when we met, hippy hair
my mother called it
carbon-dating herself
or estimating age
in tree rings; polished
brown chestnut, curling slightly
to tease your neck
where it met your shoulders
I braided it for you once,
a French braid, laughing
& then loosed it
with my fingers, saying
I would not walk
holding hands
with a man
whose hair
was prettier than mine
prophetic, you looked
with that beard;
old testament,
but not shouting warnings
or sacrificing sons;
just murmuring seduction
masked as wisdom
through the unexpected redness
of your lips, the sensuality
of your mouth
a year later,
you shaved it, all of it–
hair, beard, mustache
& I saw for the first time
how your chin pushed forward
your stubbornness,
& the sharp angles of your jaw–
why, I asked,
my fingertips tracing circles
on the new nakedness of your scalp,
cupping the curve of your cheek
in my palm
you would not say it
at first
it was the crazy guy,
the one you always bought breakfast for
the mornings you walked
to the diner
who figured it out
repentance, he called it.
penance, you said.
***my offering for Dverse poetry prompt today, where we are describing character. Could think of nothing but the ex who shaved his head for this one🙂 Come join us–the fun starts at 3.
This is a powerful example of how description can form the foundation of narrative. So good.
Victoria–thank you! Just got back from yours & still have goosebumps from it.
very cool, very radical..ha…i once had a friend with gorgeous long hair…they looked like a brown velvet veil…
oh, I can see it! The kind of hair you want to run barefoot through…
Yes, but you have to give up to get…
yep.
“just murmuring seduction
masked as wisdom
through the unexpected redness
of your lips, the sensuality
of your mouth”
and you seduce us here too,
you him, she, and his pretty hair
so I/we are so shocked by the repentance.
Bravo!!
Susan–thank you. When he did it, I was shocked by the shaving/penance, too. Surprised it took me 20-plus years to write about that…So glad you liked.
I like the way the secrets play in this, the ambiguities, as well as the mainline descriptions which are extremely well written and character-fleshing(as it were.) Always something more to dip from that classic well that is behind so much writing, appearance versus reality. And its amazing how much of our ‘identity’ is there in our hair and style–we almost become someone else when we change it.
hedge–very well said00and I agree.
It is such a huge shock to see someone we think we know so well undergo a complete change especially without saying anything to anyone too. A gripping, very interesting read Susan.
Thank you–it certainly was
by that I mean it was a shock😉
Very powerful and, of course, strong characterisation.
Thanks so very much!
What a fascinating concept – shows that it’s not just us women who get emotionally (and metaphorically) tied up in our hair.
Oh and I totally agree with you about guys with hair prettier than ours!
Thanks, Holly–and yes–no fancy braiding for him😉
“just murmuring seduction
masked as wisdom
through the unexpected redness
of your lips, the sensuality
of your mouth”
Love these lines too, love all of it!
It is strange how the addition or loss of hair on our menfolk change their whole appearance and how we view them…
Anna :o]
Anna–thank you for liking my offering.
Agree with your comment re. hair–and this was such a radical thing, it had to mean more than simply a –hey–time to change my look moment for him.
wow really strong closure on this….the penance/repetence…ha on the no hair prettier than yours….just murmuring seduction
masked as wisdom….really nice line there….could really see them……and then to undergo such change too…the stubborness of the jaw is a great touch too…
Brian, thank you so much. Your comments are a huge encouragement!
WOW! This was painterly, professional and powerful. The ending raked across my soul and left its traces. An outstanding poem!
Gay–wow–thanking you so very much!
love this one and that 3rd stanza is my fave:))
Thanks, Don🙂
I loved the pairing of those last two lines — a dramatic closure to your piece!
thank you!
How well you described him…I have to wonder though at the shaving part…repentance and penance goes deeper than this…but you did a wonderful job here ~
Oh, it does–and he is in a monastery somewhere now🙂
Really, He is.
so much learned from just one trait. well done.
Thanks, Mark!
Facial hair and just hairstyles in general can really change a person’s appearance as you so beautifully described.
Thank you. They so very much can…
Susan, this is brilliant work, with the hair – the seat of Samson’s power – transformed into a powerful metaphor for character. An amazing work, and a poem I wish I’d written.
Samuel–my goodness thank you! And that is what this is–hair as strength, as beauty, as power sacrificed in penance. I am thrilled you like this.
nice capture of the inner man… i saw too how the personality of the piece changed
Thanks much–yes–it was a dramatic shift, after the shaving.
Now, we’re all wondering what he did. k.
🙂
Nothing all that unusual. I corrupted a man who wanted to be a monk. Bad, bad Susan…..
How one act can change who we are and how we feel is fascinating.
Yes–telling, how we can alter the superficial to illustrate an inner change.
To be able to harvest such pleasant memories from a past means that it was a quality relationship!
Oh, yes–it most certainly was that. One of those wonderfully influential ones that probably still shapes me somewhat.
Harvesting, indeed…therapeutic for you to write about something that was planted so long ago😉
You know what? I think it had to take this long to grow.
fascinating write…made me want to carry on reading…
Sonny–thank you.
Explores well the way physical features can alter perceptions – lose weight, gain glasses and trim a beard. What do you have now!
…a healthy person who can see more clearly? Have to know what we are starting out with first😉
you take us to such depths with this one, Susan. I love your heart and honesty in this tightly written poem.🙂
Oh, Jane thank you!
Oh those last two lines just knocked me back on my heels. And just perfect, start to finish. Love this one.
Emily–thank you so very much.
Weaving (or is it braiding?) a bit of mystery. Loved this read.
Oh, thank you!
This is a wonderful vignette … it really is incredible how a beard alters our sense of a person
Thank you. Yes, so much changes.
great memories ! ~LOVE your golden wrough of words!
Thanks, Deb!
HAH! I LOVE long hair on men. The beginning of this holds a memory of happiness and by the end I am left deeply sad. Your word choices and play with Biblical themes worked beautifully.
Oh, thanks so much! I never really cared for men with long hair (that prettier than mine thing can be a dealbreaker😉 ), but I so liked it on HIM…
I relate to this so much at the end of the 80’s became clean shaven, short hair no leathers only hawaiin shirt and chino’s nobody recognized me at first maybe you need to transform so completely a short of shedding and this poem conveys it so well
Yes, a shedding! Thanks for the great comment.
Powerful imagery. And a fascinating glimpse into what was once your world. thanks for sharing
Thank you, Celestine🙂
Thanks for letting me camp out in your blog for a little while today. I had a great time and tried to leave my campsite as good as when I arrived. I’ll be back!
Thanks for camping, Russel–my pleasure!
the BEST way I can say this is deeply felt, it by posting it on my FB page to draw others to read you! Consider it done!
Oh, thanks so very much!