the gift: a huitain

The mailbox teased, withholding for nine days
this gift of images; a world, a mind,
a map to your soul, in a written maze
I follow until dizzy in it.  I
sift through the silt of your words, and I mine
this fine gold vein of vision taking form
soft and priceless, cooled now in cultured lines
of craft, rising up first in molten storms.

***So, today at Dverse, we are tacking a poetic form called an huitain.  I always go kicking and screaming when dragged into formed poetry, but I adore the challenge of writing outside of my comfort level.  Hope you guys liked my effort here.  This is written to honor my friend and duet partner, Noel, who sent me his book of poetry, and I finally got it yesterday!  Yay, Noel–you rock!  Yes, mining pun intended.

The huitain went by a syllable count of eight originally, but with the fondness for English iambic pentameter, has also been seen with 10 syllables. The variations are all variations on the rhyme scheme, however, there is one type of pattern all variations follow. There must be one set of four rhyming words, and two sets of two rhyming words.
French/English #1: a, b, a, b, b, c, b, c
French/English #2: a, b, b, a, a, c, a, c
Spanish #1: a, b, a, b, a, c, a, c
Spanish #2: a, b, b, a, a, c, c, a

Definition and explanation above from:

About Susan L Daniels

I am a firm believer that politics are personal, that faith is expressed through action, and that life is something that must be loved and lived authentically--or why bother with any of it?
This entry was posted in dverse poetry prompt, New Free Verse and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to the gift: a huitain

  1. boomiebol says:

    Nice…poetry forms scare me. Is Noel’s book available online?

  2. No, the book is not online!

  3. Claudia says:

    nice…sounds like a great book by your friend…and poetry indeed is like a map to someone’s a written maze…following until dizzy…i like…’s good…cool job on the form as well ma’am

    • Thanks so much, Claudia! Was not as much torture as I thought it would be, writing in such a tight form. Just needed to pick the right subject matter, and write from the solar plexus, as always (just with the rhyming dic handy, and counting syllables 🙂 )

  4. I think you nailed it. This is really very good. Not sure I nailed my rhyming but.. Oh well. I had a go, lol

  5. cooled now in cultured lines
    of craft, rising up first in molten storms.

    Powerfully and correctly said!

  6. brian miller says:

    haha i always go kicking and screaming with form poetry as well…smiles….def sounds like you got a nice p-ackage…i got a poetry book in teh mail yesterday from one of our poets so that was def a treat…i like your creativity within the form though…

  7. Congratulations to Noel. What a great celebratory verse written strictly to form and beautifully crafted. It felt to me so universal because we who love to write, love to read just as much and how great when we can hold something in our hands born out of our friends’ imagination! Well done.

  8. You can feel the anticipation in the words and flow. I’m a firm believer in form setting the imagination free

  9. Laurie Kolp says:

    This is such an elegant sounding form, and you added some wonderful word play like sift and silt, too… really nice.

  10. poemsofhateandhope says:

    This was nice! And I def know what you mean about form- but always a good challenge – really liked the way you carved a story out of it though – and was a great sentiment paid to the transaction of giving/receiving words

    • Thanks so very much! Yes, as far as form goes, I might fight it, but when I use it, protesting all the way, it takes me places I would never, ever go, and I usually like the journey. The challenge here was pouring my happiness with such a wonderful gift into 8 rigid lines 🙂

  11. Emily says:

    Oh I hate it when my mailbox teases me like that. I love how you interpreted this. I really like “fine gold vision taking form”…

  12. Susan says:

    I enjoyed how you caught the anticipated arrival and opening of what you made clear was words by someone dear. Your description of its crafting after the volcanoes reminded me of Wordsworth’s definition of poetry which is something like “a spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions recollected in tranquility.”

  13. hypercryptical says:

    Wonderfully crafted!

    Anna :o]

  14. Patti says:

    I like this a lot, especially the maze metaphor. Poetry, and actually most forms of creative writing, does seem like a map into the mind of the writer, one not always so easy to follow.

  15. Evelyn says:

    wow! you seem very comfortable in this form, yours has a romantic, old world feel to it.
    “soft and priceless, cooled now in cultured lines
    of craft, rising up first in molten storms.”

  16. That was sweet cream to mt poetic heart! BEAUTIFUL ! Blessings friend ~Deb

  17. ManicDdaily says:

    Aha! Very well done. A cool subject for poem also . k.

  18. I am very conscious of the slithering “s” and “z” sounds building up to the final crescendo of “molten storms”! Powerful!

  19. Daydreamer says:

    Great job on the prompt! Love the imagery and views here!

  20. Serena says:

    Very lovely, beautifully done. For me, you made this form come alive, you made it dance and decide to take a chance at a little romance.

  21. Great, Susan. I’m tempted to join, but will hold on a little while.

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