we do not name ourselves
borrowing first our fathers’
and then our husbands’ names
adding them behind the first name
like a string of shiny beads
telling the world
who we belong to
because we must
belong to someone
because an unpiloted
unnamed woman
is dangerous
& might just think
for herself
or do something radical
like not follow man
or a man at all
and instead
be led by God
or even
herself.
***This is an old one I just found in my file drawer–unfortunately, it is not old enough for me. It was written in response to a conversation I had with the pastor of a church I was a member of about 8 years ago, in which I told him I intended to leave and join another church that was more involved in helping our community. You know, stuff like feeding the poor, etc. This young man (younger than me by not much, but still younger), told me in all sincerity that since I was a woman, unmarried and fatherless, I needed to go through him or the deacon board at the church to make a decision of that magnitude. Needless to say, I never darkened their door again. So, the poem is old, just tweaked by me a little this morning. Hope you like.
Susan Daniels Poetry 
LOL. Double eye-roll…
Yes, exactly…
The poem packs a punch and i like very much…shaking my head at the pastor…how does that have anything to do with what you want to do…Lord have mercy
I certainly hope He is merciful, because I was not…
Imagine waiting 37 years to find that out–I was trusting myself and God rather than a man, which explains why my life was so messed up, ROFL!
Attitudes are slow to change! Susan X!
They certainly are–especially there…big sigh. I will just have to keep trusting God that someday we will catch up. Just glad that is with whom my faith rests and not in man…(or woman either, for that matter).
Wow. roflmao, the language what would emanate from my mouth.
Before I reached your aside, I cheered in thought, yes, yes, yes!
Isn’t it incredible we still face such patriarchal judgement? When confronted with the words of some overbearing misogynist, I think of the character Dinah in The Red Tent, and I smile. Try your argument with her, sir. 🙂
Oh, yes. Now, I did dress this guy down. But..c’mon–8 years ago is not that long ago, and attitudes are receding rather than moving forward.
I can feeel the pain gushing! A name is so powerful ~ thanks deaar! Deborah
thank you, Deb!
I like this very much and I can relate to your leaving the church story. I too had left this one church because of many things but my Damascan Road was when I wanted to do some community volunteer work (after thoroughly refusing to do missionary work and work with kids and things that “the pastor” felt i would be good at.) I met with the inner city missions person and they told me they were doing work in a city called “Hayward” which is a much more affluent city than the one the Church is in. Then I found out that the missionary work was overseas in Korea and Cambodia to try and end sex trafficking of girls (which i am not against) YET the church is on a street called San Pablo / East 14th which is INFAMOUS in the Bay Area for prostitution and homeless. There were times walking to church that some (myself) were even proposition. This was just with church officials. This has already gotten too long but I totally understand this and how people “claiming” are different from people “Being”
I ended up writing this about that place
http://pentopaperandfingertokey.blogspot.com/2010/03/lord-did-i-follow-your-will-or-did-i.html
Wow, Christopher, that poem so totally speaks to me about my experience, as well. Your comment is NOT too long–you said what you needed to say, and I appreciated every word!
As to what the pastor said. . . Ugh. Good grief. (I’ll leave it at that.)
I like the poem very much. I know many people who still think this way about women and I know some women who think this way about women. What gets me is that those who point this out (whether men or women) are often referred to as “smug” or “self-satisfied” or “God-less” or. . . you know better than I.
🙂 agreed 100%
It is a very good poem and really important too.
Thank you, Jeremy–Found it in a folder, around 8 years old, from that time I think of as not writing anything… And here it is, tweaked just a little. Glad it spoke to you!
Sorry…but my conversation to the priest or father or deacon or whatever:
Him: As an unmarried and fatherless woman, you must go through me or the deacon board to make a decision of this magnitude.
Me: Yeah? Shall I lift your dress for that boy to exit and make room for me to go ‘through’? Or does he know the way?
Makes me ill! Hypocrites…all of them.
Rhonda–only you–love you, SFAM. This guys was boringly and predictably hetero, with 8 kids now I believe to prove it 🙂
Awesome visual, though! Remind me to tell you some of the stories when Suzy almost converted to Catholicism…think I might have, but you just surfaced a few more memories!
I don’t even trust the one’s with kids lately. But, I do tend to be harder on my own indoctrinating religion than others…Catholic of course. I’m one of the lucky ones that DESPITE organized religion, I still believe in God and Jesus. My church has NOTHING to do with them.
Well, I do believe you can have a wonderful relationship with God, despite the church and its politics/policies. Shame that DESPITE is not a BECAUSE, because that is what a church, and indeed “the church,” should do. They certainly seem to be trying very hard to do other things than that here–Shame on them.
Agreed. They have forgotten WHOM they serve me thinks. But, luckily, we have not.
I am so thankful a lot of us have not!
Yes…me too.