we are starving for health
in a land of plenty
feeding us french fries
and big macs
gorged to the point of sickness
on too much of the wrong thing
how do you rationalize 9-year-olds
already shopping plus sizes
and how do you balance
nutritional inequity
how other mothers
watch their childrens’ bellies swell
with starvation, as their bodies
digest themselves in desperation
yes, hunger kills
and but for grace
or an accident of birth
I am here
where our children’s bodies
bloat with gluttony
on what balance sheet
does this even out
and how can we fix this?
my mother
spoke dream symbols
& told me water carries pain
i did not see it when i was there,
dreaming
stepping through water with my sister
but something swam with us
just out of reach of my knowing
her hair is pinned up
with last year’s bones–
the ones she chewed
and shaved to thinness
her teeth graze
your lower lip
hard to tell
through all that shining sharpness
if she gives a kiss
or takes your taste
there they are
circled, blue
those days i should have
learned you
under my touch, crossed off
on the calendar
& unrealized
skimming
the skin of things
always
in dragonfly lightness
just brushing the real
with these wings
do you know
what carries us,
flowing above
the elemental?
there are layers
over layers
& they are named
i have seen the veins
we cannot reach past mantle
to touch them
beneath tectonic plates
& asthenosphere
where properties shift
under pressure
i will tell my feelings
in movements of the earth
& still i am flight
over this all
i hum, i vibrate
that same music–
scales
in the key of stone
i find you thieving me
in small pieces
but better this
& still in separate skins
we did not swim
unthinking into wholeness–
we could be anglerfish
grown together, you fused into me
like a scar not cut but acquired
we could share
one bloodstream
call it passion
& not dependence
but let’s not lie
freedom from something
this deep
means your murder
& my wounding
***Something I read this week prompted me to do some reading on deep sea anglerfish. During mating, the much smaller male fuses to the female’s body, and becomes part of her; eventually reduced to a pair of testicles. Ugh. That is not a level of intimacy I would actively seek.
Susan Daniels Poetry 