So–this is a poem I wrote back in 1985 originally:
A flowershop rosebud opened too soon
your petals crumble to ash
in my palm
traces of gray I carelessly brush
from my fingertips
***and here it is reworked into pantoum form, just for fun.
false as a flowershop rosebud
forced open too soon
your petals dry and crumble
in my palm
forced open too soon
past blooming and palled
in my palm
scent blown off by breath
past blooming and palled
traces of gray
scent blown off by breath
I brush from my fingertips
traces of gray
your pinks dull to ash, as
I brush from my fingertips
a bloom unfit for keeping
your pinks dull to ash, as
your petals dry and crumble
a bloom unfit for keeping
false as a flowershop rosebud
Susan Daniels Poetry 
This really worked quite nicely with the pantoum form. Came together perfectly. Thanks.
Thank you!
You know what I’m going to say. I love you original for the thought…I LOVE the new one for the form and the added beauty. You rock this form SFAM.
Hey, like this look better too. Doesn’t take as long to load either. lol
LOL, thanks–back to the original theme, but different color. I THINK I am done 🙂
Blue looks good on you.
🙂 of course, my favorite color is…..
Green!
not surprised. mine is RED.
🙂 KNEW it!
I’ve said before and will say it again. You do have a way with words that has me enthralled, Susan.
Celestine, thank you so much. As always, I am humbly grateful for your support and comments.
love this poem. Now I have to look up Pantoum! LOL!
Thanks, Jenni!
impressive Susan. I love the way you push yourself and then explode with something great
Audra–thank you! I go kicking and screaming the whole way 🙂
Glad you think it’s great.
well you are quite brave…
LOL, Audra–I am a bug, huge whiner with any form I take on. I actually welcome the discipline of them, because pre-block, I would never, ever write in any kind of form (including haiku), because I found it too restrictive of my voice 🙂
well i am a litte too dense for “form” and ‘structure” hence the texty reading….
I am more a free flow kinda gal.
Your free flow works so well, don’t blame you. Would never have taken on this form if I had to rhyme it or stick to a set meter–no way! So, basically, I followed the form’s repetition but thumbed my nose at tradition by refusing to rhyme 🙂
I’d say you have the methodology sussed. 🙂
🙂
very nice