sonnet #2

the unfolding sweetness your kisses bring
deeply hidden, past where lips together
join and learn a language of sighs, feather
soft promises of pleasure murmured, rising

in heartbeats faster than the frantic wings
of a hummingbird rushing to nectar
before it loses brightness, turns bitter
in the throat of one shaped to sip and sing

i need to celebrate you in octaves,
exhale feeling lifted in major keys,
our pulse the tempo, and passion the beat

something in minor is far too plaintive,
and difficult to capture in trochees
the exact way your touch makes me spark heat

This is only my second sonnet, ever.  Please be kind.  Anyway, this is what we are doing over at the Dverse Pub today.  Please join us if form does not give you fits.

About Susan L Daniels

I am a firm believer that politics are personal, that faith is expressed through action, and that life is something that must be loved and lived authentically--or why bother with any of it?
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60 Responses to sonnet #2

  1. Trent Lewin says:

    Where the heck do you keep coming up with this stuff, and like all the time? It’s amazing. And you make me bloody jealous.

  2. I love sonnets and this one is good. I especially like your use of near-rhymes, it can free up a lot of otherwise tortured syntax. Hmm, I have a feeling my retirement might be short lived if I keep getting tempted by the likes of Haiku Heights and Dverse pub!

  3. Yes. Lovely. Rhyme scheme perfect to the Italian (Petrarchan) sonnet and I think (notwithstanding the work) you found new jewels in working to get the lines and rhyme right. You did mix your meter just a bit throughout but I think that reflects your speech patterns – still you were faithful to a 10 syllable count on every line – and more importantly the beauty and meaning of your love sonnet flowed naturally and evocatively throughout. Excellent work!

    • Oh, Gay–thanking you! This was fun (despite my complaints). I just could not alter my natural voice such that I could change the meter, too. Thanks so much for liking this!

  4. janehewey says:

    oh, dear Susan, I am inspired! this is lovely, honest and well honed.

  5. Fixed forms are fun…liked your use of slant rhymes very much

  6. claudia says:

    i need to celebrate you in octaves,
    exhale feeling lifted in major keys,
    our pulse the tempo, and passion the beat…nice…love the music and rhythm in this…

  7. boomiebol says:

    I need to celebrate you in octaves…wowzers. This is BEAUTIFUL. Never tried a sonnet, but I really like this

  8. unfetteredbs says:

    clap clap clap clap… thunderous applause for you

  9. doncarroll says:

    i never worked a single form and it’s not what i look for. only content and i love the content here with the hummingbird since i did one in late august.

  10. brian miller says:

    a secret language of sighs…smiles…relly love the initmacy of the opening and how you bring in the music as well this really picks up well the further you go with it…

  11. nelle says:

    I’ll confess I know nothing about poetry, not a thing about the various kinds, etc. I know what I do and don’t like when I read it, and there is much out there that wouldn’t interest me. Personal taste. A few folks do write poetry I like, you are one, and you know the second. As always, well done.

  12. a divine path to revelation !

  13. beckykilsby says:

    This line really sings:

    i need to celebrate you in octaves, … and is going to stay with me. Thank you!

  14. Mohana says:

    awesome romance! :)

    • Thank you, Mohana. This is only the second sonnet I have written, and the first was also a love sonnet. For some reason, writing ecstatic words makes rhyming & structure less painful ;)

  15. ManicDdaily says:

    The music metaphor works wonderfully and the beat of the trochees – and still you keep some heat – very well done!

  16. I think you and sonnets have a glorious future together. The composer in me fell in love with the octaves and keys :)!

  17. Sonnets are really tough. I have not written one in a long while, so I appreciate your effort.

    I think the hardest part (for me anyway) is to let the movement of what you come through without being fitted into a box. With that in mind, this is the stanza I like the most:

    i need to celebrate you in octaves,
    exhale feeling lifted in major keys,
    our pulse the tempo, and passion the beat

  18. Susan, I can’t even remember all these poetic forms. I’ve always maintained that I’m lazy and so I will certainly pass this by. But this is one stunning sonnet; sensual, with excellent imagery, musical and just powerful.. ‘something in minor is far too plaintive,
    and difficult to capture in trochees the exact way your touch makes me spark heat’. OMG, my imagination is going haywire. Salud, my friend.

  19. Beautiful, sensual, soft and hot! Beautiful flowing, fluttering sonnet! wings of the hummingbird rushing….sparking heat! wow, the imagery is very intense and very there, yes, very very there! Now am off to confession as a good catholic boy!

  20. Sabio Lantz says:

    Fun — enjoyed your experimenting with the constraints of the form. Ah, and the sensual images. Thanx

  21. If writing sonnets makes you this sensual, soft and hot, then sonnets it is! :-)

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