the unfolding sweetness your kisses bring
deeply hidden, past where lips together
join and learn a language of sighs, feather
soft promises of pleasure murmured, rising
in heartbeats faster than the frantic wings
of a hummingbird rushing to nectar
before it loses brightness, turns bitter
in the throat of one shaped to sip and sing
i need to celebrate you in octaves,
exhale feeling lifted in major keys,
our pulse the tempo, and passion the beat
something in minor is far too plaintive,
and difficult to capture in trochees
the exact way your touch makes me spark heat
This is only my second sonnet, ever. Please be kind. Anyway, this is what we are doing over at the Dverse Pub today. Please join us if form does not give you fits.
Where the heck do you keep coming up with this stuff, and like all the time? It’s amazing. And you make me bloody jealous.
…blame Dverse, they made me do it–a SONNET. Oh, good lord, torture–metered, rhymed and schemed
Glad you like it–makes the almost 2 hours I spent on it worth it.
Yes, I saw your thoughts on rhyming. What is Dverse?
I have them linked in my poem–it is a group of writers who get together three times a week, and every other Thursday we torture ourselves with forms
That seems a strange hobby. I’m a baseball historian in my spare time, but maybe that sounds strange too.
Ha! Only if you don’t find tons of math painful.
oh–I do. maybe I should stick to poetry forms then
I am with Trent on this one. WOWOWOWOWO you are one talented lady. This is soooo freakin good woman. So soft and oooh so lovely
Oh, my. Why is it you guys always like what I feel ambivalent about? Perhaps I need to write outside my comfort level more often, then. Thank you–LOVE you–your support and comments are a big help.
I love sonnets and this one is good. I especially like your use of near-rhymes, it can free up a lot of otherwise tortured syntax. Hmm, I have a feeling my retirement might be short lived if I keep getting tempted by the likes of Haiku Heights and Dverse pub!
Oh, Paul–that would be great! I think it is really hard to quit poetry cold turkey…
Yes. Lovely. Rhyme scheme perfect to the Italian (Petrarchan) sonnet and I think (notwithstanding the work) you found new jewels in working to get the lines and rhyme right. You did mix your meter just a bit throughout but I think that reflects your speech patterns – still you were faithful to a 10 syllable count on every line – and more importantly the beauty and meaning of your love sonnet flowed naturally and evocatively throughout. Excellent work!
Oh, Gay–thanking you! This was fun (despite my complaints). I just could not alter my natural voice such that I could change the meter, too. Thanks so much for liking this!
oh, dear Susan, I am inspired! this is lovely, honest and well honed.
Jane–thanks ever so much–I was almost scared away at the prospect, but glad I attempted it!
Fixed forms are fun…liked your use of slant rhymes very much
oh, thank you! I had to rebel a little
i need to celebrate you in octaves,
exhale feeling lifted in major keys,
our pulse the tempo, and passion the beat…nice…love the music and rhythm in this…
Claudia–thanks so much! I have to say I enjoyed the challenge.
I need to celebrate you in octaves…wowzers. This is BEAUTIFUL. Never tried a sonnet, but I really like this
Oh, Boomie–thanks. I have a wonderful source of inspiration who should get some of the credit
clap clap clap clap… thunderous applause for you
oh my goodness–thanking you immeasurably
your sonnet is awesome
Thanks–you know I am beet red now, right? Really appreciate the comments & the support.
I’d love to see a blushing picture… haa
laughing.. haa
Yes, me with my full frontal naked face all red…lol, NOT gonna happen.
me neither..
hee hee. I am just one shy chick.
i never worked a single form and it’s not what i look for. only content and i love the content here with the hummingbird since i did one in late august.
Don–thanking you for that. Hard to twist content to fit a form.
a secret language of sighs…smiles…relly love the initmacy of the opening and how you bring in the music as well this really picks up well the further you go with it…
Brian–thanks much! I am going to have to fess up to somebody I had a great time writing this–guess it’s gonna be you
I’ll confess I know nothing about poetry, not a thing about the various kinds, etc. I know what I do and don’t like when I read it, and there is much out there that wouldn’t interest me. Personal taste. A few folks do write poetry I like, you are one, and you know the second. As always, well done.
Gosh, Nelle, thanks. As always, your comments and appreciation mean so much to me!
a divine path to revelation !
Thanks, Deb.
This line really sings:
i need to celebrate you in octaves, … and is going to stay with me. Thank you!
Becky–thank you–means a lot, coming from such a wonderful wordsmith!
awesome romance!
Thank you, Mohana. This is only the second sonnet I have written, and the first was also a love sonnet. For some reason, writing ecstatic words makes rhyming & structure less painful
Some nice wordplay
Thank you John.
The music metaphor works wonderfully and the beat of the trochees – and still you keep some heat – very well done!
K–thanks so much! Was a fun challenge!
I think you and sonnets have a glorious future together. The composer in me fell in love with the octaves and keys
!
Anna, thank you–I really enjoy playing with music in poetry.
Sonnets are really tough. I have not written one in a long while, so I appreciate your effort.
I think the hardest part (for me anyway) is to let the movement of what you come through without being fitted into a box. With that in mind, this is the stanza I like the most:
i need to celebrate you in octaves,
exhale feeling lifted in major keys,
our pulse the tempo, and passion the beat
Jeremy–thank you! This was tough but rewarding in the end…
Susan, I can’t even remember all these poetic forms. I’ve always maintained that I’m lazy and so I will certainly pass this by. But this is one stunning sonnet; sensual, with excellent imagery, musical and just powerful.. ‘something in minor is far too plaintive,
and difficult to capture in trochees the exact way your touch makes me spark heat’. OMG, my imagination is going haywire. Salud, my friend.
Oh, goodness–thank you, Celestine. If I am going to write a sonnet–it has to be about something primal as love
Beautiful, sensual, soft and hot! Beautiful flowing, fluttering sonnet! wings of the hummingbird rushing….sparking heat! wow, the imagery is very intense and very there, yes, very very there! Now am off to confession as a good catholic boy!
LOL, my sonnet has caused some trouble this morning
Fun — enjoyed your experimenting with the constraints of the form. Ah, and the sensual images. Thanx
Oh, thank you, Sabio–glad you enjoyed reading this. I had fun writing it, once I got over the hurdle of fear at approaching a sonnet, pen drawn and ready to strike.
If writing sonnets makes you this sensual, soft and hot, then sonnets it is!
LOL, the sensuality, the softness, and the heat are the only things that got me through the sonnet–but–thank you so much!